You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 today and we don’t know where the hell she is.
Ellen Degeneres (via inspiremethin)
Do sluts call their private parts “public parts”?

pigfarts-pigfarts-here-i-come:

(Source: thedeemoneyy)

we're lazy here on tumblr.
  • press J: scroll down a post
  • press K: scroll up a post
  • press L: like a post
  • press ALT+REBLOG: reblog fast
  • press CTRL and the REBLOG button: open the post you want to reblog, in a new tab
  • press TAB: scroll to the top of your dashboard,
  • *Hears noises at night*: Well this is it, this is the end for me. I had a good life.
  • *Gets shampoo in my eyes*: I guess I'm blind now. How am I going to go on? Holy shit!
  • *Heart is beating fast*: I think I am having a heart attack. Is this what cardiac arrest is?
  • *A cop walks by*: Here I go, about to get arrested. I probably murdered someone. I'm sure they know about when I smoked that one time.
  • *Taking a test*: Don't take your eyes off of this paper you will get caught cheating and get kicked out of school.
  • *Gets a sunburn*: Skin cancer.

(Source: tarantinoed)